"Melissa, no matter how cool a white person is, no matter how much work they've done on themselves around issues of race, class and creed, I always hit the limit of their ability to understand my experience, I find I hit the limit of their privilege- and it always hurts." B. May 2003
When B. told me that I was at first selfishly heartbroken. I had thought if I worked hard enough I could totally get over having white privilege, that I could somehow examine my conscience, behaviors, actions, thoughts, etc until I was completely free of it and the pain I caused others with it. Knowing it wasn't possible hurt, although not nearly as much dealing with it from the other side. Realizing B. was willing to be my friend, even though he knew I would eventually hurt him with the limits of my privilege, hit me even harder. How could he ever let me or any white person be his friend knowing that?! I'm not sure I could be as open with people I knew would hurt me, even if we are all individuals and hope does spring eternal.
This is one story and many people have stories, opinions and perspectives, yet I've found from other friends that his story is not unique. Some may shrug this off as simply part of being human, making mistakes and forgiving each other, yet it is deeper than that in my opinion. Why and how much deeper? Perhaps others could jump in and share how it works for them?
When B. told me that I was at first selfishly heartbroken. I had thought if I worked hard enough I could totally get over having white privilege, that I could somehow examine my conscience, behaviors, actions, thoughts, etc until I was completely free of it and the pain I caused others with it. Knowing it wasn't possible hurt, although not nearly as much dealing with it from the other side. Realizing B. was willing to be my friend, even though he knew I would eventually hurt him with the limits of my privilege, hit me even harder. How could he ever let me or any white person be his friend knowing that?! I'm not sure I could be as open with people I knew would hurt me, even if we are all individuals and hope does spring eternal.
This is one story and many people have stories, opinions and perspectives, yet I've found from other friends that his story is not unique. Some may shrug this off as simply part of being human, making mistakes and forgiving each other, yet it is deeper than that in my opinion. Why and how much deeper? Perhaps others could jump in and share how it works for them?
I am not sure I totally understand what white privilege is. But I have so many feelings when reading this article. I always hope that I can make some Amercian friends in seattle.Yes, I have two.
ReplyDeleteBut first, thet are all guys. Second, they are all interested in Ansian Culture. They are awosome but I want more than that.
I have always expecting some friendship like me and my Chinese friends. You see what I mean?
There is like a boundary between me and other American firends. Yes, we talk in the class. We say hi to eacher in the school. But that is it. That's it. Man. I have alays been told that Asian people are too conservative so I tried to change and talk to people and ask people out. It took me a lot of courage to do that. I asked once but two white girls blew me off for whatever excuses. But I saw their post on facebook saying that they hung out that day. I was very upset. I don't know what is the problem. Maybe people naturally treat or see differnt kind of poeple different?
Hey Zexian,
ReplyDeleteI think there are misunderstandings between local and international students, and I am glad you have brought it up. I've heard from other students from China that if two or three of them sit together on the first day of class, white students may sit next to them on day one, yet will switch to another table on the second day of class. I'd like to hear from any students who've experienced this, even white/dominant culture students who have seen it or done it- not realizing what it felt like to the other students.
Also, I applaud you for making a conscious effort to meet American students, even if it is hard and sometimes uncomfortable. I've been an International student in England, Wales and Northern Ireland (all English speaking countries, so I had it much easier than you do)and I know you can end up hanging out with people from your own country if you don't push yourself to do otherwise. To our local students, please make an extra effort to reach out to International students, even if they seem to have plenty of friends. I know the friends I made overseas enriched my life as all friends do, and they also were able to show me things, take me places and give me insights I would have never gotten on my own.
The last thing I would add is you may also be experiencing the phenomenon known as the "Seattle Freeze"- whereby locals here seem very friendly, yet when you try to connect and actually do things with them- they blank you or shut you out. I have a great article from a local free paper called The Stranger on the Seattle Freeze, which I will email you if you remind me.
Once again, thank you for sharing your feelings, I hope other people will also be willing to share as well.
Hey Zexian,
ReplyDeleteI forgot to tell you about white privilege. Basically white privilege is defined as the unearned benefits that white people in American have. Another definition that I think is more applicable in this instance is that having white privilege is the power to be oblivious to other people and their cultures.
In China my understanding is that official policy is to respect all 56 ethnicities, yet it seems like Han Chinese is the largest one. Is that correct? It may not work the same in China, yet an analogy would be if everyone in China had to know about Han culture and language in order to survive, yet Han people didn't have to know about anyone else. Does that make sense?
Hey Zexian,
ReplyDeleteThat happens to me all the time, but I am getting so use that I usually go out with the same people. When I start new classes I usually try to be friendly to everyone so maybe I can make new friends, but to be honest it has been hard to make friends in Seattle that you can actually go out with. I have very few American friends, but they are very nice people.
If you want to have a new friend My name is Seimy :)
Thank you Melissa. It makes a lot easier to understand in the chinese ethnic sistuation. It is correct that Han people is the largest group in China. And we don't know much about the culural in the minorities. I never thought about whether people who are minorities need to know more about Han cultural to survive. But I do think in order to fit in Han people they do need sacrifice some of their traditions or habbit. (Like not wearing thier costumes or I don't know.. ) Yes that makes sense to me now.
ReplyDeleteI am Han and I just realized that I don't know anything about any other ethnics.
(BTW, lots of people hope they were minorities because there are some benefical policies for them. Like student who are minority can get 10 ponits of extra credits in the college entrance exam which is huge. Almost equivalant to adding 0.4 of GPA. )
And I found it is interesting to hear about "seattle freeze" This two words summarized all my experience. hha
It is also ture that some American students left when they found out they are sitting which a bunch of international studnet.
I understand they might feel uncomfortable.. I guess it could be weired for them to see so many Asians sitting together. I am also trying to sit in new groups when having my Chinese friends in the class. It's just we feel like dumb when sitting in a all white group and people talk talk talk and we can say nothing. It is so awkard you know? (It happens a lot especally for new internatioanl studens who can't speak fluent English) I am here for two years, and I am always trying to interact with people. But sometimes people are just so cold.
Oh and Seimy, I would love to make friend with you!:)
ReplyDeleteHi Zexian,
ReplyDeleteI am glad that makes sense. I wonder what goes through other students heads and if it is a matter of not feeling comfortable or not wanting to invade your space or something else. Whatever the reason we need to talk about it and see if we can change this dynamic, at least at Cascadia (we have to start somewhere).
As a former international student I know you don't go overseas to simply hang out with your compatriots in a different country, and I think educating our local students on just how much they could create lasting memories and friendships with international students would start to make a difference.
The Seattle Freeze is a whole other issue. When I moved up here from Olympia and before I read the Seattle Freeze article, I thought I had lost my friend making mojo. I'm outgoing and usually have found meeting people and making connections to be somewhat easy, yet up here I felt like I kept hitting a brick wall. I'd meet someone at work or in the community, think we clicked, yet when I tried to make plans with them it was like the door shut in my face. Eventually I did start making friends that I could do stuff with, it just took longer than I was used to from prior experiences.
I'm also glad to see you and Seimy connecting!
Good stuff! I liked what Zexian said and appreciated his honesty about how he has felt being an international student. Let me tell you Zexian... i feel like a foreign student many of times! Yesterday we had to make groups of three in our math class. Most of the tables had six students so they were able to split up easily. My table had 4 students. The other 3 students at my table decided quickly that they would be a group and I was out. I was left wandering the room looking for someone who would have me. It doesnt help your esteem to feel as if you didn't get chosen simply because people see only that you are different than them and they don't know how to be open to different.I also feel like a foreigner because this is my first real experience with school and I feel lost many times. I do find comfort in having people to connect with here at school. Whether that be other students or teachers, I feel better making those connections. I feel ashamed that Zexian has felt like people here haven't been receptive...all I can say is keep trying because soon you will meet someone like me who is looking to make connections with others too!Then it is a beautiful thing! i encourage you to come to events on campus. It's a great way to meet other students and staff. It has really helped me!
ReplyDeleteI think I'm already getting used to this, and I almost forget how to make efforts towards this. First of all, I cannot understand their jokes or some specific things, I'm afraid to ask them all the time, and it's hard to join their conversion. Cultural differences also make me feel different. Because I'm still unfamiliar with American culture, so I have no topics to talk, which is awkward. So I don't have other friends besides those who are interested in my culture or would like to talk with internationals.
ReplyDeleteBecause of these, because I already know that I cannot get involved in, we international students will just stay in our small groups. If you already have a bunch of friends in a class, it is even harder to step out, isn't it? I guess it is true for every group, such as the Native Americans, because they have already been in the reservations for years and years, getting out of the reservation is to "betray" friends and families.
Hey Everyone,
ReplyDeleteThanks for keeping this one going, I think there is a lot to it.
I think at one time or another many people have felt like a foreigner or outsider, even in their own lands. It is important for majority population/dominant culture people in any place to make extra efforts to be inclusive.
It is also cool though to see many of you continuing to make efforts to reach out, even though it is not always comfortable or easy.
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ReplyDeleteI sincerely appreciate and respect your honesty. I have never thought of it from such an angle. The concept of the white privilege embedded in an individual's identity can definitely play as a stressful factor. It feels like for some reason a person's failure can never be justified because of the effects of the privileged while it raises the bar and the standard of public's perception of what you should be doing/ what you should be like. Hence it can certainly lead to identity crises of many young individuals because they feel like they do not fit the stereotype.
ReplyDelete